4:20am/7:16pm

There is only dying after every of his email. An invaluable essay, almost the impossible "manual" itself, or simply a recording of the past four years lasting a good forty. As always, it needs to be read and re-read till dawn. Henceforth still always with a last breath on that desk back home in Ghim Moh.

"The event would 'be' or happen in some sense (always yet to be determined) before whatever one could say about it: and as such it's always anyway to come unless one lives one's event, as Deleuze has it, and that's difficult because one cannot therefore economise on the experience of the present as the experience of the impossibility of the present, can one? This is no doubt why deconstruction can be regarded as another, better, name for mourning--especially the 'working through' of it as opposed to the 'melancholy.' Working through as all who fail know takes time and especially when time is what one doesn't have then the moment for working through seems all the more stranded on too distant a horizon. But it's not, of course, for the moment of a working through is always now.

[...]
The 'perhaps' of the event (that was) seems more than ever too cautious in light of the monstrous one (there's no perhaps here) to come. Is the Nietzsche (+Heidegger+Freud)-Levi-Strauss hybrid really so unthinkable? I believe so actually, but this is after all the event that Baudrillard was living in order to deny the event: the 'no difference' between the first two orders of simulation, between fidelity and productivity). So I have to believe in it. And if I do that is because (once again the shadow of philosophy falls) one can only believe the unbelievable etc."